Memoirs
by XxxFIVEbyFIVExxX
Summary: Angel has survived long after everyone he knows. Now living in New York . A reporter hears of a 'White Knight' and wants his story.Will he get the story and will it be what he expects? Set far in the future.I do not own any characters from the show.
1. Big Apple

Disclaimer :- I do not own any characters from the shows , they belong to Joss Whedon.

Feedback :- Reviews are welcome.

Memoirs

Chapter 1

Nobody took any notice of the tall figure slowly walking down the street. Thats the way he liked it. His shoulders hunched and his hands wedged into the depths of his duster pockets. His head kept hung down , watching the pavement, only glancing up every now and again. It had been so long since he had any real form of contact with anyone. Redemption was what he had fought for , on a promise made to him by the powers that be. That seemed like a millenia ago now. The vampire with a soul was now back to wandering aimlessly from place to place. Sure , he still did his bit should he come across some big nasty attacking a human , but the thrill of it all had left him . Why should he keep trying ? He was sick of them telling him where to go , who to save , and sick of putting his neck on the proverbial chopping block , just because some idiotic human was either too blind to see the danger that lurked in a dark alley , or they had decided to raise hell on earth for fun!

Anger filled his soul now. He had watched his team die of old age , and their children. He had watched Buffy die another three times before she said enough was enough , and actually stayed dead. Thats what hurt the most, the sting of watching her from afar. Waiting in the shadows. Hoping that there would be a day when he would finally 'Shanshu' and be in time for her to finish baking .For fuck sake! Her cookie dough had burnt to a crisp!He shrugged off that memory. No, life for Angel had sucked.After Buffy had died at the age of forty five, he became withdrawn, he would come down and get messages, go and 'fight the good fight' , then slip back into his own room and therefore , back into his own world.

So here he was in New York. Not doing the tourist bit , he had been here before, many times before in fact, once was as his evil alter ego. The Big Apple , Angelus had taken a huge bite out of it , figuritively speaking, and now , angel was back here.

'Why the hell did I come here?' he muttered to himself.If he could breathe the air would choke his lungs. People were even less caring than in California, now that was saying something.Noise was constant , traffic , pedestrians, life in general never ceased in this city. All of it just added to Angels turmoil.

He had stopped in a bar that was open all night, just like he did every night , just before dawn. He was a regular now , and while he didn't socialise , the bar owner new his order .

" There ya go son" and the owner would slide a whiskey down the bar to Angel.Angel would sling it back and grimmace, then throw a bill onto the bar and head for home.He missed her warmth that used to radiate through his being , the whiskey was a hollow reminder of it. So everynight Angel would routinely have one , even though it tortured his soul.

You couldn't call it home. It was far from it. His 'home' consisted of one room under a deli, the only furniture was a run down old bed , a bedside table, and an old fridge. Angel had managed to buy himself a microwave. He had a few of his old books, after all he needed something to dull away the lonely hours couped up in the dank room.Sleep usually bought dreams filled with her and the life with her that almost could have been.

Angel entered the room and threw his duster over the radiator. He took a bag of pigs blood out of the fridge and then threw that back into the fridge, slamming the fridge door hard. Huffing and rubbing his face with his hands, he walked to the bed and flopped onto it. He looked towards the window, the sun was already coming up. He had made it back just in time.One of these days he'll get the strength to not make it.

A man of about twenty seven entered the bar and sat down. He put his briefcase on his lap and took out a digital voice recorder , a pad and a pen, and placed them on the bar. The owner , Harry, noticed him and sauntered up the bar, coming to rest in front of the guy.

"Whats ya poison , stranger?"

"I'll have a erm ... beer i guess" He returned to setting out his 'equipment'.

Harry took a cold one out of the cooler and whacked it's lid off using the bar. The years of him doing that had left a scar in the mahogany top.

"So whatcha doin' " Harry asked

"I'm looking for someone.I was told he came in here this time of night" The stranger looked out of the window and saw the sun starting it ascent through the morning sky " Or rather morning as it happens"

Harry shrugged and got out his cloth and wiped the bar " Get loads in now , mostly alcoholics wanting their last drink before going back to the misses"

"You would know this ... Gentleman... He's tall , brown hair , hazel eyes. Type of guy you wouldn't want dating your daughter?"

"You mean Angel?"

"Yeah. Know where I can find him"

"He's a good guy , what you want him for?"

"I assure you it's good.We heard about some of the help he had been giving strangers that were lost or threatened. We ... I mean I wanted to get his story "

"Your a reporter" Harry tutted and took a few empty glasses off of the bar.

" I am a reporter , yes , now will you tell me where to find him or not?"

Harry looked at the guy and half closed his eyes " I won't tell you his address , but , he comes in every night just before sunrise. I'll let Angel sort you out himself.

Defeated for now , the reporter finished his beer and grabbed his briefcase, replaced his items away and headed for home.


	2. Curiosity

Chapter 2

Angel woke up , the noise was especially loud this morning . Bloody dustcarts clearing the streets trash, and the men that worked it were shouting abuse at a woman . He pulled his pillow over his head and turned from the noise. If it hadn't been daylight outside , he would have opened the window and told the lot of them where to go.

Twenty minutes later , the only sounds were coming from the busy deli above him and from everyday people going about the city. " I seriously need a sanity check up for moving here "

Angel got up and pulled his usual from the fridge and filled his mug with it. He put it in the microwave and heated it up. He ran a tap and wet his face , drying it on a towel before retrieving his pigs blood from the microwave.Post had been delivered and Angel picked it up and threw it on his bedside table. He sat on the bed and drank down the crimson fluid. Glancing at the post he picked it back up.Two letters for Mrs Rankin , the old lady that lived above the deli , one for the previous occupant , and a newspaper. He would take the post up to the rightful owner tonight before he headed out. For now he read the paper looking for unusual cases and the obituary , looking for young people that may have died suddenly or of unnatural causes. "Who knows tonight might actually keep me busy" . He finished his drink and had come up with three potential cases.

He flopped back down on the bed and picked up the poetry book he had started to read the night , or rather , the morning before. He flipped through to the last page he had read.

Because I could not stop for Death

He kindly stopped for me

The Carriage held but just Ourselves

And Immortality.

We slowly drove , He knew no haste

And I had put away

My labor , and my leisure too,

For His Civility.

We passed the School where Children strove

At Recess , in the Ring ,

We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain

We passed the Setting Sun

Or rather , He passed Us

The Dews drew quivering and chill

For only Gossamer, my Gown

My Tippet ,only Tulle ,

We paused before a House that seemed

A Swelling of the Ground

The roof was scarcely visible

The Cornice , in the Ground

Since then 'tis Centuries and yet

Feels shorter than the Day

I first surmised the Horses' Heads

Were toward Eternity .

Angel threw the book down and huffed. " Maybe I should invest in a t.v or something" he muttered to himself. there was a knock at the door.

"Great" he said tensely

He crossed the room and stood with his shoulder to the door.

"Who's there?"

"You don't know me , Angel , Sir, I've come to ask you a few questions"

" Are you with the police?"

"No" The guy coughed " I'm a reporter"

" Go away"

Angel backed away from the door , but could tell the man on the other side remained.

" Sir, I heard that you help people , a good samaritan if you like, I just wanna get your story , ask why you do it"

Angel laughed " You think I'm like some kind of samaritan ? "

"Yes"

" You couldn't even begin to comprehend my story . Now go away" There was a slight growl in his voice. Angel didn't mean for it to be there , but if it served to remove this annoying man from his door , so be it.

"I'll slip my card under your door, should you change your mind" the man slipped a card under the door and left.

Angel retrieved the card , looked at it and frowned. Mr Allen Fox, Reporter for Pheonix papers , New York. Angel raised his eyebrows and then popped the card in his bedside table drawer. "That broke through the boredom for five minutes " . Looking at the clock , he noticed it was still only two p.m. Only another five hours til sundown . Angel laid on his bed and drifted off to sleep.

His dream started .He would smell flowers, hear laughter and then a foggy haze that surrounded a blonde. She would be smiling ,laid in a bed . The haze would lift and she would be wrapped in a mans arms, his arms . They would start kissing , slowly the passion would overtake them and they would be making love. As they reached climax she would whisper in his ear " Forever ... thats the whole point".Angel sat up , his breathing was fast and sweat ran over his body. He got up and ran the tap, splashing the icy water over his face and torso.He turned his back to the sink and leant against it . Why did he dream that?.That was one of the things he had told her.Frustration was building inside him and that was something he had to live with and the dreams weren't helping. He glanced at the window and it was dark. Time for his nightly routine. First a trip to the morgues, then the cemetaries, then the route back through the alleys and then to Harry's bar. Then back to the apartment to be imprisoned for the daylight hours.

He took the card out of the drawer and flipped it round in his fingers. The office was on his route. No , he thought , no point going over there, it would just open up a whole big bag of no good. He shrugged on his duster and opened the door. One last look back into the apartment and he was gone.

The morgues had nothing to slay so he moved onto his first cemetary. The first fresh grave turned out to be a bust. But a vampire had crawled out of the fresh grave at the back. Luckily , Angel had been there in time for it's undead ass to crawl from the earth.

Angel still remembered the night he had crawled from his grave. He shook off the memory and continued his hunt. He had gone through all of the cemetaries and had slayed six vamps and one demon. He made his way through the city and found himself outside pheonix papers. Looking up, he noticed a light still on in one of the offices. He pulled his coat further round his chest and went in.

Allen was behind his desk , typing something on his laptop, a pen between his teeth , and then shuffling through a file on his desk. He was completely oblivious to the tall man watching him through the glass wall. Angel couldn't believe he was actually stood here. What was he going to do? Just as Angel changed his mind and was about to turn and leave , Allen looked up .

" Didn't see you there, you startled me"

" I get that alot" Angel said, no emotion in his voice. " Sorry"

" It's okay . Please join me"

" If your busy , I won't ... I can always come back"

" You would actually be saving me, this story I'm doing has kinda snowballed and is giving me a headache"

Angel walked into the office and sat down. Allen poured a coffee.

" Would you like one"

" No , thanks, but coffee makes me jittery"

Allen sat back behind his desk and cleared the file from his desk.

" What changed your mind , if you dont mind me asking?"

" I'm not sure, I was passing by here and spur of the moment , came in"

" Like I said before , I just want to ask you a few questions and run a story on the good guy that helps those in need and disappears into the night"

" I'm not sure my stories quite that cut and dry "

"So tell me , all of it."

Angel looked at the guy sat across from him. He could see the mans thirst for the truth and the curiosity that Angel had sparked in him.Allen took his voice recorder out of the drawer and put a new tape into it .

" You don't mind ?"

Angel shook his head

"What do you want to know?" Angel said , slumping into the seat. He thought it would be a long night, he may as well get comfy.


	3. The Soul In Me

Please read and review.

Chapter 3

"Where do you want to start " Angel shifted in his seat , suddenly thinking this could be a bad idea.

" How about you tell me why you do it ?" Allen slurped the hot beverage

" Somebody has to , I mean alot of ... bad things happen out there. People find themselves somewhere lost in the dark, things prey on them , I'm there to stop those things " Angel turned a button on his duster as he spoke.

" How did you get into this 'job' of yours?"

Angel smiled " A girl" His smile quickly left his lips .

"Tell me about her , if it's not too personal"

Angel looked up at him " She was beautiful , young , vibrant.We fell in love.She helped me realise my path."

" How old are you Angel"

Angel laughed " How old do I look to you?"

"I wouldn't say you were older than thirty" Allen said , hoping he hadn't insulted Angel

Angel smiled " If only you knew"

" Where do you come from ?" Allen drank the last of his coffee and dumped the styrofoam cup into the overflowing trashcan.

"Ireland. I was born there and came to America in my 'teens' " he tilted his head from side to side. Tension was making his shoulders ache.

" Any family here?" Allen checked the tape and put it back down.

" No . They died. " Angel shifted

" I get the feeling your holding back some of the story Angel, call me astute or whatever. If you don't want to do this then we can stop" Allen sniffed and settled back in his chair , placing one leg over the other.

" You want the truth? You couldn't handle the truth." Angel rose out of his chair , a little annoyed at the guy for being so forward. " It's scary and it's evil " Angel paced back and forth.

Allen was shocked by Angels reaction, and as for the scary and evil part , he thought he must be unhinged, yeah thats it he's crazy.

"Calm down Angel, okay.Look i just want a story, a good one. If you wanna go I'll understand"

"You want a good story, sit down , I'll give you a good story. You best get more tapes than just that one."

Angel sat down , he was agitated and had no idea why he was going to spill his life story. Maybe it was so he could make sense of it himself, who knew.Allen fetched more tapes from the filing cabinet and threw them on the desk. He sat down and looked at the clock. It was just after midnight. He should really go home to his wife , but , something told him this would be the story of his lifetime. I'm sure the misses would understand. Wasn't this part of what being a good reporter ?

"I'll start at the begining then"

"Sure, whatever, just let me make a call"

Angel stepped out of the office and watched out of the corner of his eye.

Allen dialled his home and waited for his wife to answer.

"Babe , hi , were you asleep, Look I'm working late tonight and I possibly won't make it home tonight. Can you kiss the girls for me and I'll see you tomorrow . Yeah , I will , I have another suit here . Okay, love you too, bye" He hung up and cleared his throat.

Angel came back in and sat down on the couch in the corner.

"So, you ready for my lifes story now?"

Allen turned the tape recorder back on and nodded. He sunk in his chair and put his feet up on the desk.

"I warn you , you may not like it or believe it "

"Try me" Allen cockily said as he put his hands behind his head" I'm intrigued now"

"Fine" Angel cleared his throat

" I was born in Ireland, a small town , Galway. In seventeen twenty seven."

He saw the look on Allens face , ignored it and carried on

"My life as a child was normal, my father was strict and ruled the house with a rod of iron. I had a sister , eight years younger than myself. My family were wealthy, and father had a good business. As I grew up and became a man , he pushed for me to join him and help run the business. I wasn't interested and tested his temper in whatever way I could. I became a drunk . I had women on a nightly basis. He thought of me as nothing but a drunken , whoring, lazy slob, he was right . Then one night in seventeen fifty three I made the biggest descision of my life."

"How ... what was that ... " Allen was mesmerized

" I was drunk , came out of an Inn and thats when I saw her. She was dressed in fine linens , beautiful. She harboured a darkness , as I soon found out. That night , she turned me. I became a vampire"

Allen laughed. "Good one. You tell a good tale there Angel. Could almost have me fooled"

"You don't believe me, that's fine" Angel looked at him and smiled. " I could show you"

"How? Let me guess , by draining me of blood?"

Angel morphed into his demon mask and growled.

Allen shot back on his chair and fell onto the floor in shock.

"What the fuck? How'd you do that?"

" I told you Allen.It's okay , your safe. I won't do anything to harm you"

Allen got back on his chair ,still unable to chain together any rational thought , he just nodded and sat staring as Angel continued his story.

"The first thing I did once i had risen from my grave was to go to my fathers house and kill my family. My sister thought I had returned to her, an Angel. That is how I how I got my name."

His voice was soft, a true sadness to it

" The vampire that had turned me , stayed by my side. Her name was Darla. She took me places, showed me wonders I never would have ,if I had remained human. We travelled , I mastered in the destruction of people. I soon became known as The Scourge Of Europe. I revelled in pain and torture. I became obsessed with a young girl, Druscilla. She was good and chaste. She had visions , her family thought she was cursed, the idiots. She knew what I was , I stalked her, drove her mad. She ran away to become a nun. On the eve of her vows I went to her. Darla and I killed the nuns and made Druscilla watch as we made love amungst the bodies. I turned her that night.That was in eighteen sixty.The three of us became a family and travelled together. Darla found Druscilla tiring and resented the fact that I turned her. We went to London in eighteen eighty and stayed there for a while. London was an amazing place. As a human I had wanted to go there. The stories I had heard made it sound so exciting. We stayed in the Royal hotel , in one of the best suites. I had been encouraging Dru to take a mate. Darla was sick of sharing me with Dru. Druscila left on her own one night and when she returned she had a mate. William. He became my companion, after all those years of keeping the company of nothing but women, wouldn't you?So William, who wanted to be known as Spike, and I would go off and have fun , we would drink and take women and kill and feed, returning to Darla and Dru just before sunrise.Darla had quite a temper on her and she would inflict that on me any way she could. Being the deviant I was I lapped it up like a cat does the cream. That only served to make her anger worse.

I killed families , slaughtered my way through towns. I sired people and taught them my ways. They stayed with us for a time and then would leave to go their own way. Then in eighteen ninety eight we travelled to Romania.That was where my life took a dramatic turn. Darla bought me a young gypsy girl. I fed off her and her family cursed me with my soul. I know you won't realise the implications of that , but well , you become a vampire a demon gets your body, but it doesn't get your soul. From the moment my soul was put back into my body i felt remorse. Remorse for every death I caused, every family I destroyed.The towns I devastated , Everything.I returned to Darla , She could sense it and attacked me.That night I left them. She went and destroyed the gypsy and her family for cursing me."

"So your a vampire thats cursed with his soul?"

"Have you even been listening?"


	4. Deep Water

Chapter 4 .

"So what did you do after you got your soul back?"

" For two years I drifted from place to place , Prague, Rome and back to England, finally in nineteen hundred , I went to China. There I ended up rejoining Darla, Dru and Spike. I had lived off rats and vermin to survive. I was a mess. My soul tortured me in my dreams and in my hours of consciousness. I thought that by being back in the fold , that somehow I could ignore it, the soul wouldn't plague me. I convinced Darla to take me back, give me another chance to prove I could be 'Angelus ' again.She believed it and took me back. Spike had bagged himself a slayer, which of course they were all pleased about. I killed and fed off criminals , murderers, rapists , I couldn't face killing innocents. I hid the fact from her until one night I tried to protect a missionaries family from her. Again I convinced her to give me a chance and she did. When I came back to the house after feeding on rats , she was waiting. That night she gave me the chance to prove myself to her. She had killed the missionary family and had kept their baby. She wanted me to feed off the baby. I couldn't , I took the baby and fled from her . That was the last I saw of her for years."

Angel paused for a moment. He shifted to get comfortable again. Allen changed the tape and settled back in his chair, no longer nervous of Angel.

" I wandered around Helping people occassionally , eating vermin, keeping myself to myself. I came to America and stayed in New York at first. It's easy to stay lost in a big city like this. I stayed until word got around that I was here . The great Angelus, scouring the alleys for vermin and helping people , I became a joke to those who knew me. So, I moved to a quiet town , out of the way in Iowa. The good thing about small towns is the lack of demon activity , the worst thing is everyone wants to know who you are and what you do. I avoided most people due to my nocturnal lifestyle. Boredom was the worst thing. I would walk miles at night, If I came across any demons I would kill it, If i came across someone in trouble I would help them. Unfortunately my stay there was cut short and I had to move again. I had only been there a few years when a neighbour caught me in my demon state , I had fought a gang of vampires and she came out just as the last one turned to dust. No reasoning or cover ups could stop her from screaming , and then calling the police."

"How do you ' dust' or kill a vampire?"

" Decapitation, stake through the heart, sunlight all kill a vampire."

"What about coffins, garlic , holy water , all that kind of stuff?"

"We do have an aversion to garlic, holy water burns us and in large quantities can kill us, sleeping in coffins , thats a myth ."

"How do you sire a vampire?"

"First you drain their blood 'til the heart rate slows down to the point of death and they feed from you. They rise as a vampire the night after."

"What's it like?"

"Being a vampire?" Angel looked up at Allen

"Yeah, must be a rush, being immortal and all"

Angel laughed, really laughed " You have no idea little man. I am bound to a demon to walk this earth til someone finally takes me out of it by killing me. I drink blood, kill for it , I watch anyone I care about die of old age while I continue to be young.Not just that but I live with the guilt, knowing everything I have done , everyone I have killed . Oh yeah it's a rush" Sarcasm dripped from his outburst.

"So from Iowa , where did you go to next?" His voice was shaky , scared that he had just angered Angel.

"I found myself living in Washington. I lived in an apartment next door to an artist. She would work odd hours and I found myself getting to know her quite well.I couldn't tell her about me , but she worked at night mostly and it suited me fine. She asked me to model for her once ." He laughed at the memory " She was the first person to treat me like a human being . I was grateful to her for that.I would spend time with her almost everyday, it was a friendship nothing more. She ended up becoming a well known artist and had a busy social life as well as a business she had to run. I rarely saw her. One night she came to me in tears, saying that someone was blackmailing her . I helped her , found out who it was . I dealt with them and she was grateful. We grew closer and I would stay with her until she fell asleep. One night we ... well we made love . I left her before morning and by the time she came home I had moved out. I regretted it but I felt guilty and well , I can't , couldn't have relationships."

"Where you in love with her?"

"No , I didn't think I could love . Even if I could, what I felt for her wasn't love.I just couldn't involve her in my life, so I left.From there I travelled from place to place , staying in hotels, only stopping somewhere for a few days. Finally I found myself back in New York"

" What year was this "

" Nineteen forty three"

"What happened then?"

" I stayed back in my apartment I read , brooded , slept all day, kept myself to myself. The war was going on and it was a time of hardship for most people."

"How did you survive, you didn't have a job or anything , how could you afford these apartments?"

" Money I had hoarded as Angelus"

"So you were wealthy"

"I suppose. One day some military men broke into the apartment.I was listening to the radio , reading the papers, I looked up to see them there with stakes in their hands and cruxifixs

The lead man said "You ever considered joinin' the war effort?times like these, we can use all the able-bodied men we can get.Everybody's gotta do his part. That's all I'm sayin'. Doenitz has been kickin' the holy hell out of us in the Atlantic. Allies are losin' up to 100 ships a month to his u-boats. Their damn submarines are faster, stronger, and more powerful than anything we've got in the water. Say what you will about the Krauts, them sons-of-bitches know how to build a boat. Up till now, we haven't had much luck figuring out what makes 'em tick, but 2 days ago our boys managed to capture what appears to be a T-class German-prototype submarine.Unfortunately, when they were bringin' it back here, something went wrong. Late last night, we received fragments of a distress call. Something was on that ship. Have you ever heard dying men screaming for their lives, Angel? That sub's stuck in hostile territory, but we need it if we're gonna win this war. It's down too deep to send divers. Pressure, cold'd kill a man... But... those aren't problems for you... are they? You've been on our radar for some time now, Angelus. I represent a relatively new agency, Demon Research Initiative? And we think that you might be the solution to our little problem.We need that sub, and we need you to deal with... what's on it. We had our intelligence investigate the submarine's cargo manifest. We think we know what attacked our boys."

"They threw a file at me , in that file was pictures and reports. Turns out they had collected bad ass vamps for experiments. They were going to try and make a vampire army, control them somehow. I did what they wanted, got on the sub, found Spike there, along with the prince of lies and Nostroyev. I dusted Nostroyev first, that guy had an ego , let me tell you. They had already slaughtered much of the crew and only a few men remained at the back of the ship.There was a German general on board as well . I managed to protect them from Spike and the prince of lies. We needed them to get the ship back to American waters.Spike was his usual self, pushing my temper to its limit. The prince of lies tried attacking the German,Then we came under fire from depth charges . The sub sprung a leak and I fixed that up. I was under stress and not exactly in my comfort zone.While I was sorting out the leaks , the German had attacked Lawson, the guy that knew how to work the sub, and had buried a screwdriver in his gut. He was going to die , I did the only thing I could do to save the mission and the rest of the crew."

" You turned him into a vampire?"

"Yes"

"What happened next?"

" He turned , he fixed the subs propulsion system , but we were short of air. He tried to feed , I stopped him and we did what we had to. We surfaced to take on air , I kicked him and Spike off and told them to swim for land before the sun rose , so they were no longer a threat .I got the sub to where they wanted it and I jumped ship before they could capture me. I never went back to the apartment in New York."


	5. Outside Looking In

Chapter 5

"So where did you go after that?"

" I travelled around , finally to California. Seem strange that a vampire travels to a hot and sunny climate , but well, I went there and stayed out of the way."

"I stayed at a hotel , The Hyperion. I kept out of the way, did my usual ."

"What year was it?"

"Fifty two"

"How long did you stay there for?"

"Not long, long enough though"

"What happened there?"

"Judy"

"There's more to that story isn't there?"

Angel let out a sigh

" Judy stayed in the suite next to mine, she told me the guy in the next room had been murdered. I had tossed a P.I out as he had been asking questions. I obviously didn't need the attention.Turns out she had robbed the bank she worked for, after they fired her. The reason they fired her was that she was mixed race.I don't know why but I took pity on her and helped her out by hiding the money for her.While I was in the basement I heard demonic whispers. It was making people crazy , I knew it once I heard it's voice.Later that night I went to a local bookstore and got myself a van helsing jnr for my troubles, I threatened him, he gave me what I needed to defeat the Thesulac demon that had taken up residence in the hotel."

" So you defeated the demon and they all lived happily ever after?"

"Don't mock me " Angel looked at Allen with amber eyes.

Allen shifted in his seat and waited for Angel to continue his tale

"I told the demon to have them all and left.It wasn't the end , but the rest was to happen later. I left the hotel and travelled to the coast. I took up residence in a run down house that was due to be demolished. I went out at night , i sat in diners, watching people, studied them, tried to see how they could live in a world full of so much evil. I felt even more apart from the world because of it , the soul was reaching out for comfort and the demon was begging for bloodlust.It drove me mad.I kept to myself for years."

"So you didn't search out your sire or any other vampires?"

"No, after the boxer rebellion and what had transpired, I kept well away from them. Other vampires would have dusted or mocked me, 'The great Angelus reduced to a snivveling all soul having moron'."

Allen raised his brows and looked at Angel, "Is that how you see yourself?"

The amber eyes flashed and a low growl escaped from his throat.

"I'll skip through the boring empty years after that. I was still in .L.A. I had deteriorated , back to living on vermin. A demon approached me. His name was Whistler. Told me about my new vocation . To fight along side a slayer and a chance at redemption."

"a slayer?"

"That's what I said"

"What the hells a slayer? Is it a demon?"

Angel almost laughed " No , she is the one put on this earth to kill my kind and the hell spawn besides"

"And you fought along side her?"

"Yes, more than that"

"Care to tell?"

Angel huffed and looked at the time. It was getting late and he didn't think he would have time to tell that saga in full. He was also getting hungry.

"I shall tell that tale another time. I'm afraid I'm done for the night and it will be light soon.I will leave you now"

Allen looked up and saw the blinds move . That was the only indication that he had left.

"That's some fucked up shit" Allen shifted uneasily in his chair and picked up the tapes. "Wait til the editor hears this"

Allen picked up his clean suit and went into the toilets to get ready for his days work.

Angel walked in through the door to his apartment and threw the keys on his bedside table. 'What a place to stop your life story you idiot. now you won't be able to sleep without thinking of her'.

'Yep' , he congratulated himself ,' your going to dream of her and torture yourself more'.

He slumped back on his bed and fell asleep .

True to form , he dreamt of his slayer. It was the night of her seventeenth birthday and he was making love to her. He knew this well , it was the night that everything in his life changed for the worse.The only thing that changed was that instead of leaving the bed and going out into the alley, he lost his soul whilst making love to her , and then he turned her during the act.

Angel woke gasping for air, wet with sweat and crying.

He congratulated himself on self inducing more bad memories than cut him to the bone. He left his bed and ran his head under the cold tap.He leant against the sink and took a deep breath and sighed . Was his exsistance really needed these days ? Why did he continue to live on? How was he able to carry on living after she had gone? Another deep sigh. He knew the answer, it was to honour her and continue her fight. The only thing that clouded that ideal of his, was that there were days that he thought it just wasn't worth it, and they were getting more frequent.

Was that why he went to this reporter? Some kind of therapy? Maybe he shouldn't go back. No point opening more wounds.

The sun was low and dusk was fast approaching , time for his nocturnal routine to begin. Angel pulled his duster on and went out into the night.

Allen waited til his collegues had left and set about taking notes from last nights session with the vampire. He was also waiting for Angel to come by and finish his tale in full.Hopefully.After finding out that Angel was a vampire , Allen had bought a cross and had procured some holy water and he had made a stake, just in case.Time went by slowly for him and he managed to get a rough draft of the interview copied up ready for his boss.

Angel wandered through streets and alleys and couldn't find anything worthy of a brawl. There were no damsels in distress and the cemetaries only gave up a few newly risen vampires. Nothing worthy of the master vampires skills and strength. So he had an easy night of it, he could go into his bar and have a couple of drinks before going to see that reporter again. Angel pulled his duster around his stocky frame and strode off with a new purpose.

Allen physically jumped as he turned to see Angel stood in his office. He hadn't heard him enter and hadn't expected him this early.

"That's a bad habit you got there"

"Sorry. Creature of the night here. Stealth is part of the package"

"Can't I put a bell round your neck or something"

Angel laughed "Many have said that to me before"

"Sit Please" Allen took his seat behind the desk and signalled for Angel to get comfortable on the couch again.

"Drink?"

"No thanks, I already ate"

Allen noted the change of words.

"Shall we skip the small talk and get to it then?" Angel didn't see the point in delaying it. What would be the point, not like he was trying to gain a friendship with Allen.

"Where did we get to?" Allen opened his top drawer and took out the dictaphone and tapes . He wound the tape back and listened to the last few lines from the night before.

"Right , the good part"

"If that's what you think it is , personally , I think it's the part that really fucked my life up"

"But I thought you were saying it was great , you had a chance for redemption"

Angel sighed and ran his hands over his face and into his hair.

"She was 15 when she was called . Her Watcher took her to a graveyard and she had her first encounter with a vampire. She was scared and out of her depth. I watched as she staked the vampire and sat on the grass , stunned.Her Watcher proceeded to tell her that her life was no longer hers and she had a sacred duty now.He left out the part about a slayers life span was greatly reduced and most die within three years of being called. I hated him for that. She was vibrant and alive. I watched a part of her die that night as she sat on that grass , realisation hit her and part of her died."

Angel hung his head as the memory of her that night played off in his mind.

"I followed her home and saw her get a mouthful from her parents about being late , then watched as her parents fought over her discipline and well, you could tell it wouldn't be long before her parents seperated . The look on Buffy's face told me everything I needed to know. I chose my fate that night.I'm not sure what I felt,all I knew was , I couldn't let her go through her life alone. Her father left, and Buffy had to burn her school down to kill some vampires that had run amuck at her school .She was removed from that school and her mother moved her to Sunnydale. Buffy started at the school there and that was where I made myself known to her. The school librarian was in fact her new Watcher. Buffy tried to quit , like she could! It soon became clear that the Hellmouth was situated in Sunnydale and she was met by every demon and vampire drawn there because of it. She needed my help more than anything . She had a group of friends that helped her out , which was frowned upon by the Watchers Council , a slayer is meant to work alone , with the exception of her appointed Watcher,but then nothing about Buffy was ever textbook. I t didn't take me long to fall for her. She was the most amazing person."


End file.
